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Your Gay Child: Help and Advice
 Support
Many parents discovering that their son or daughter is gay or lesbian want to know at some stage how best to offer support. First of all, don’t assume that your child is happy about the situation. Some will have accepted their sexuality, but others will have absorbed the same misinformation that other people do. They may be very upset to discover that they are different through no fault of their own. Some young people become angry, others withdrawn.
Access to other young people going though the same experiences can be very helpful. Contact your local Youth Service, who may be able to give you details of the nearest LGBT (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender) Youth Group. Even if your son or daughter does not want to attend, they can offer advice on staying safe and locally available services. In some areas of the country, though, there are few if any such youth groups – so phone information and support lines are a great help (see below).
If you have any friends or relatives who are lesbian or gay, ask for their help. Find out about books, television programmes and publications that offer positive and realistic role models. There are also websites that offer guidance and help (see below).
School checklist
Homophobic behaviour in schools is widespread. 74 per cent of secondary pupils who are bullied report it is because they’re suspected of being gay, lesbian or bisexual, whether they are or not. And 95 per cent of secondary school teachers confirm that they hear the phrase ‘You’re so gay’ or ‘That’s so gay’ used as an insult on a regular basis (The Teacher’s Report, Stonewall, 2008).
In this atmosphere, it’s terrifying for any pupil to come out – and equally frightening for their parents, fearing for their child’s safety once their sexuality is known.
 So how can you check if the school is doing the right things to help your son or daughter? This might be a useful checklist.
Ask school staff about what they currently do to:
- promote pupils’ personal development
- prevent bullying in general
- prevent homophobic bullying
- provide support for pupils who are bullied about being lesbian or gay
- Ask what training staff themselves have had on homophobia and bullying. This could include all teaching and non-teaching staff
- Find out whether the school has links with external agencies with expertise on lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender issues (see organisations below for more help). This could include a support group or even a theatre in education organisation that has addressed bullying and homophobia.
- Ask whether the school includes sexuality issues in its programme of Personal, Social and Health Education (PSHE). A school which is taking its responsibility to address homophobia seriously will cover sexuality issues in a way that promotes understanding and encourages support among pupils.
For further information and help for parents contact:
Books for parents:
- A stranger in the family – how to cope if your child is gay, by Terry Sanderson. Available from Amazon.co.uk
- Now that you know: A parents guide to understanding their gay and lesbian children, by Betty Fairchild & Nancy Hayward, pub Harvest Brace & Co. Available from Amazon.co.uk
- Is it a Choice? Answers to the most frequently asked questions about gay and lesbian people, Eric Marcus, pub HarperOne. Available from Amazon.co.uk
- A guide for Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, available from FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) or by calling 0845 652 0311
- How do I tell my parents? Available from the FFLAG (Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), or by calling 0845 652 0311
Religious concerns:
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