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Home > Boundaries > Articles

Your teenager needs you

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i-parent mini module: Your teenager needs you (Opens in new window) Your teen needs you quiz

Do you know what your teen's behaviour means?

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Your Teenager Needs You

Sometimes it's easy to forget that whilst being an adult has
all sorts of stresses and strains, being a teenager isn't always that great either. First of all, they are at a difficult age when they're no longer seen either as children or as adults. Secondly, their hormones are racing, they're under pressure from friends and the latest trends won't leave them alone.

These are just some of the issues that lead to mood swings and tantrums that we commonly associate with teenagers. It would probably help if you tried to handle the problems whilst remembering that:

Teenagers need love

Despite the cool and distant image they are still in need of care and attention. Don't let them fool you.

Teenagers need privacy

They constantly worry about their looks, their bodies, and the strange feelings and thoughts they are experiencing. Whether it's lack of self-confidence or just a curiosity about the way their bodies are developing, they need time to sort out things for themselves. Give them space and don't take it personally if they prefer not to talk to you.

Teenagers need to be different

They need to show to the world that they're growing up and are no longer an extension of you. This might mean being akward or stroppy and doing things you probably wouldn't like, such as getting a piercing or a tattoo.

Teenagers need boundaries

They may kick up a fuss about being old enough to look after themselves, but the truth is that teenagers don't always make the right choices and they know this as well as you do. Setting out some ground rules makes it clear that they're being looked after and despite the fuss that they make about being in charge of their own lives, the boundaries actually make them feel safe and secure.

Teenagers need to be listened to

Sometimes they think you're not giving them a chance to make their case. If you want teenagers to listen to then you should try to make the effort to listen as well. Show them that their ideas and opinions matter, even if you disagree with them and every now and then, try to negotiate something that's fair to you both and then let them take responsibility for their own decisions.

i-parent mini module: Your Teenager Needs You Your teen needs you mini module

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For more information read

Got a teenager [PDF]

Talking about Relationships [PDF]

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On 13 September 2008 08:48, santoshreddynitdgp wrote:

every one has their own feelings to express them they need freedom so as far as i know teenagers dont to be have boundaries like restrictions to surrend them not to express their feelings

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On 06 April 2009 20:21, KuruContinuum wrote:

God my parents should take a look at this website. Infact, even if they did they couldn't comprehend it. They're too stuck in their ways, emotionally dead, both of them. I'm very much looking forward to moving out.

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On 08 April 2009 11:42, arsenal123 wrote:

oh my god you have just described my 13 year old to a tee. I know im not the only parent going through this but sometimes it makes you feel so isolated and somehow failed has a parent. My daughter and me are so very similar and I only want the best for her ...lets get the ball rolling.

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On 02 October 2009 14:36, answerseeker wrote:

to KuruContinuum; Do you realise that one day your kids will say the same about you?!! I know it's hard to believe but it doesn't seem so long ago that we parents were teenagers too! We had the same feelings then that our parents didn't understand anything as we did! Please tell all of us parents what we can do to help you teens so we can communicate effectively with our own? Please!!!

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On 18 November 2009 10:05, bobcratchit wrote:

Piercing and tattoo's should be banned for under 18's

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On 06 January 2010 22:26, lovemtbits wrote:

oh my god.kids dont relise how much there hurting there parents by saying unfelt and hurtfull things my heart is breaking,ive got a 15yr old son,hes drinking ,staying out allnight doesnt bother to tell us when hes coming home ,thats if he comes home.crashed my car and laughed about it with his pals.he wont be grounded or punished for his bad behaviour,fights with his dad and storms out,not knowing where hes going or when he will be home.its a nightmare.

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On 13 February 2010 12:03, hucj8p5e wrote:

its very hard for parents with teenagers. i am new to this site thank God i have found it. My 15 year old daughter reduces me to tears. I try my best but she says the most hurtful things you can imagine. She wants to pearce her belly button telling me its her body and not mine.

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On 17 February 2010 13:30, tamaraalexandra wrote:

(Edited by tamaraalexandra on 17 February 2010, 13:39)

hahaha I am pleased i am not the only one. My daughter too want to pearce her belly and gave the same answer hahaha very funny in fact, but she managed to save her pocket money to pearce her tongue; that not funny at all. She complained about the pain for one week, went to the internet saw if it was normal... and then, I realized that had forced her to be more responsible for her action which is not a bad think. She come back to me and said "after 1 or 2 years she can take the percing off and the hole will lock itself automatically, so that I should not be worry...."
My Daughter I realized want to make a difference between her and me and I just have to guide her on the straight line and hope that, if she goes left or right will come back to the straigh line. Bless***Teenager today are the Blessing time of tomorrow. Love we need a lot of Love to give. One thing I never done it is to judge her or anyone. We are humain after all and we need to experience who or what we are. We are the adult and I think we have to tell them the boundaries and thrust them. It is very hard but it is our role.

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