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"Until now I have felt like running away, I feel better for talking to Parentline Plus."
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When your teen is pregnant…
Article by Natalie Dye
 It’s certainly a huge shock to find out that your teenage daughter is pregnant, or your son is about to become a dad. You may well feel angry or resentful as your plans for your child’s life have taken a sudden and unexpected turn. But this is a time when your teen needs your support the most. You’ll need the opportunity to adjust too and possibly help to sort out your feelings. What’s most important, though, is to stay calm – and keep talking to your teen.
Norah O’Brien, teenage pregnancy advisor, says on www.parentchannel.tv that if your child has come to you with this news, it’s important to see it as a positive step. ‘It means they want your support and help,’ she says. ‘A young person in that situation doesn’t necessarily have to come and talk to their parents - they can have a confidential conversation about their sexual health and get treatment, even if they’re under 16, without their parent’s consent.’
“Many young people avoid telling their parents because they’re frightened of their reaction,” says Sheila King, National Programme Manager for the Nationwide Community Learning Partnership (NCLP), which runs specialised training courses for teenage mums and dads. “They often say: ‘My parents will kill me.’ But what they don’t realise is that once their parents have got over the shock, almost all will give their children the help they need. It’s absolutely crucial that parents are as supportive as possible. Young mums and dads-to-be can end up trying to cope in very difficult situations if a rift develops between them and their parents over the pregnancy. They desperately need the support.”
It’s most important for your child to feel that they can confide in someone. “Often, fear of telling anyone means young people don’t admit they’re pregnant until very late,” says Sheila King. “In some cases they are even denying it as they are wheeled into the delivery room. This can lead to all kinds of health problems for the mum and the baby. Young people who are pregnant must confide in a trusted adult, perhaps a GP or a teacher, so they can get the help they need. This person can also help liaise with their parents too.”
If your teenager has come to you for help, what should you do? Norah O’Brien advises:
- Find out the time line. If sex has taken place in the last 72 hours, your daughter could get emergency contraception (the ‘morning after’ pill) free from a pharmacy or a young people’s sexual health clinic, like Brook
- Confirm the pregnancy. Free pregnancy tests are available at your GP’s, Brook, or your local sexual health clinic.
- Tell your child you’re always there to talk – but it’s important for them to go for counselling with a trained professional to consider all the options.
- For some young people, their decision will be immediate but others may need more time. The FPA recommends that if an abortion is a possibility, your teen should get in touch with an abortion service straightaway, as waiting times vary and can be as long as five weeks. They can always cancel this appointment later if they decide against it.
- Make sure the decision to continue with the pregnancy or not is hers, not yours.
- If your son has told you his girlfriend is pregnant, realise how positive it is that he has come to you and acknowledge this to him.
- Work out what he needs from you: does he want to talk? Does he want you to help him talk to the other family? Maybe he wants you to know but not to get involved.
- Remember it’s never too late to talk about contraception – and this is an important opportunity.
You may need extra help in coming to terms with this new situation. The FPA’s Rebecca Findlay advises:
- Accept that you’ll experience a whole range of emotions and fears. This is completely normal.
- Focus on your teen’s needs, not your feelings. Remember, their welfare is priority.
- Talk to someone who isn’t emotionally involved to give you a different perspective. At Parentline Plus, we’re here to talk to you 24 hours a day via our Parentline on 0808 800 2222. You can email us your problem at or you can talk to us online using our Live Chat service (available Mon-Thurs 9-4.30 or Fridays 9-12).
- Ensure they receive good medical care, attend all their ante-natal appointments and eat a balanced diet. If they and/or the dad-to-be smoke, encourage them to quit – perhaps you can quit together?
- Make sure they are put in touch with support groups for young mums and dads-to-be in your area, and schemes such as Care to Learn which will to help them fund childcare and so continue their education after the birth.
If your teen has just told you they are expecting a child, watch this video for ways to respond and support them. Religious concerns, legal rights and how to help your teen stay safe in the future are all topics covered in this short clip.
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